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 Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)

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Tsukai
Chūnin
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Male Character Age : 17
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PostSubject: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Mon Nov 05, 2012 4:40 pm


Corrosion Style: Lava Monster



Rank of Jutsu: D

Element Affinity: Lava

Type: Ninjutsu

Distance: 10 yards and travels 5 yards

Description: The name of this technique is a poor choice of words. From the mouth, the user launches a large mass of lava at the opponent. If the lava misses the opponent and hits the ground, the mass of lava will form a ball and will roll forward a short distance. The speed at which it travels is at a steady 15 mph. The movement of the lava is what gives this technique its name. The heat of the lava is not very strong but can cause third degree burns on skin and can leave burn marks on low grade metals. The amount of lava that is released can cover a 5 feet radius. Water based attacks can be used to turn the lava into stone, but fire and earth based attacks are useless and will add to the lava’s mass and heat. Charging is required and a one post cool down is needed.


Fire Style: Fire Ball



Rank of Jutsu: D

Element Affinity: Fire

Type: Ninjutsu

Distance: Anywhere up to 25 yards

Description: From the mouth, the user exhales and launches a mid-sized fireball. The fireball and travel at speeds reaching 25 mph and can only travel in a straight line. Anything that the fire brushes against can leave first degree burns and anything that the fireball consumes will receive second degree burns. If the opponent or a certain object is consumed entirely, the ball of fire will explode. The heat of the fire is strong enough to destroy all metals up to the 2nd grade metals. Water based attacks can destroy the ball of fire. No charge is required but a one post cool down is required.
Rising Earth Wall


Rank of Jutsu: D

Element Affinity: Earth

Type: Ninjutsu

Distance: Anywhere up to 10 yards

Description: This technique requires a sword and can be used offensively and defensively. For offense, the user stabs a sword into the ground causing a chunk of earth to rise up underneath the opponent’s feet. The earth that rises covers a one yard radius and rises six feet in the air at 15 mph causing the opponent to fly into the air. The force is strong enough that if the opponent’s knees aren't bent, they can become dislocated. In the ways of defense, the user performs the same movements but will have the wall rise closer to the user. The earth is six feet in thickness and can block all projectiles made of steel and all D rank techniques bedides lightning. Any C ranked taijutsu technique can be used to break the wall as well as lightning based attacks. Requires a charge and a 3 post cool down.


Lava Dance



Rank of Jutsu: C

Element Affinity: Lava

Type: Ninjutsu

Distance: Self, Orbs can reach out to 15 yards

Description: By activating this technique, the user gains the ability to suspend 10 lava orbs the size of basketballs. The orbs constantly move around the user around 5 mph and are used for mid-ranged attacks. These attacks are made up of throws and spins. Listed below will be the description what each movement does. The attacks are executed offbeat so the opponent can’t guess the next attack and move at 25 mph. If some of the orbs are destroyed, the user can create more orbs but if all are destroyed then the technique ends. The heat of the orbs isn’t strong enough to melt metal and if skin makes contact, second degree burns will be left behind. C-rank fire and earth based attacks are nullified but C-rank and up water and lightning based attacks can destroy the orbs. A one post charge is required and a two post cool down must follow.

Movement: Swinging the left or right arm left or right will cause the orbs to swing in the direction of the arm at the speed listed above. Adding a spin when swinging the arms will cause the orbs to form and spin in a circle, kind of like a frisbee. Swinging either arm up or down will make the orbs make a downward or upward swoop. Adding a front flip or back flip will cause the orbs to form and spin in a circle in the direction intended of the arms.


Corrosion Style: Lava Needle Barrage



Rank of Jutsu: C

Element Affinity: Lava

Type: Ninjutsu

Distance: 20 to 25 yards

Description: This technique can only be used if the Lava Dance technique has been activated. The user will use up to 3 of the lava orbs and transform them into needles. Each orb can create 20 needles the size of a sowing needle and can travel 30 mph. The needles’ heat is strong enough to pierce through steel and can travel through parts of the body that don't have a lot of mass, more specifically the arms and the legs. Being scraped by a needle will leave second degree burns. C-rank and up fire and earth techniques are nullified but C-rank and up lightining and water based attacks end the technique. No charge is required since a previous technique must be activated but here is a two post cool down.


Pushing of Thought



Rank of Jutsu: B

Element Affinity: N/A

Type: Genjutsu

Distance: Up to 3 yards

Description: This form of genjutsu deals more with the mind. If the user can get the opponent to make eye contact, then the user’s pupils will expand, covering the whole eye. When the opponent looks into the expanded pupils of the user, he/she’s body becomes immobilized with their fear. The user uses their chakra to manipulate the brain into seeing the things the opponent fears. The image will take the place of the user and will last for 3 posts. Anyone who is below a special jounin will be immobilized for the three posts. If the opponent is above the special jounin rank, the opponent’s body will not become immobilized but will still see the image that he/she fears the most. If the user does succeed in immobilizing the opponent’s body, the user can then “push” thoughts and ideas into the opponent’s mind and have that person believe them. Once the image disappears and the thought put into the opponent’s mind, the opponent will have no memory of the image or how the thought came into their mind. The opponent’s body will be in a state of shock due to the sight of the image for one post. If the opponent was above a special jounin, then their body will experience some delay of action but can quickly overcome it. After the genjutsu is done, a five post cooldown is required and a charging of chakra to the eyes must come first.

Corrosion X Blade



Rank of Jutsu: A

Element Affinity: Lava

Type: Kenjutsu

Distance: Travels up to 40 yards

Description: This technique requires a sword to be used. The user channels their own chakra into the sword that is being held which cloaks it with a film of lava. The user then jumps backwards into the air and makes two slashes forming an ‘X’. The lava that was covering the sword is released and is turned into two lava moon cleaves. The user then makes a final spin slash that sends the lava blades at the opponent at 35 mph. Each lava cleave is 10 feet high and only a fourth of an inch in width. The heat is strong enough to melt titanium and can cleanly cut off a part of the body. Getting brushed by the lava will leave melted flesh and suffer third degree burns. The user; however, has a minute before the execution of the two slashes. This can allow the user to use the advanced sword for attacks with the film still on. The effects still same the same, but if the user fails to execute the attack, the film disappears. A one post charge is required and a 5 post cool down is to be followed.

Lava Release: Scorching Stream Rock Technique



Rank of Jutsu: S

Element Affinity: Lava

Type: Ninjutsu

Distance: Travels up to 70 yards

Description: In this technique, the amount of lava that is formed into rock depends on the user’s rank. For a genin, the user can produce up to 4 rocks, chunin can create up to 5, special jounin 6, jounin 7, and an S-ranked ninja can produce up to 8.The user forms these rocks by the user launching multiple large masses of lava with part of it solidifying into molten rock. The speed of the rocks can reach up to 80 mph and the durability of the rock is strong enough to break corundum. When a genin, each rock has a circumference of 1 foot, each rank is then increased by 1 foot, and all have trails of magma attached to each rock. The heat produced from the trailing lava is strong enough to melt through titanium. The opponent’s bones will be broken on impact if a rock should hit the opponent. S-rank lighting jutsus are able to nullify the jutsu and S-rank water jutsu can extinguish the lava trails. This jutsu requires a very detailed 2 post charge but the user will suffer from being not able to use lava release for 5 days.


Last edited by Tsukai on Tue Nov 27, 2012 4:57 pm; edited 11 times in total
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Tsukai
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Fri Nov 09, 2012 10:26 pm

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Bryn T. Stormblood
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Mon Nov 12, 2012 6:49 pm

We'll start with the first D-rank jutsu.

Quote :
The name of this technique is a poor choice of words. From the mouth, the user launches a large mass of lava at the opponent. If the lava misses the opponent and hits the ground, the mass will move forward a little distance until cooling down. The movement of the lava is what gives this technique its name. The heat of the lava is not very strong but can cause third degree burns on skin and can leave burn marks on low grade metals. The amount of lava that is released can cover a 5 feet radius. Water based attacks can be used to turn the lava into stone, but fire and earth based attacks are useless and will add to the lava’s mass and heat. Charging is required and a one post cool down is needed.

Firstly, what exactly does this mass do if it misses? You say it hits the ground and keeps moving, but that's fairly vague. Does it roll when it touches the ground? And it can only cover 5 feet before doing this little tango on the ground, yes? If that is the case, its speed can be pretty fast, or its power can be pretty strong, but not both. You don't have the speed, so it needs to be added in one way or the other. Give me a speed (35mph if you reduce damage to 2nd degree, 15mph if you keep it at 3rd degree), then bump it.

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Tsukai
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Tue Nov 13, 2012 2:15 pm

Bump.
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Bryn T. Stormblood
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Tue Nov 13, 2012 5:01 pm

Alright, next one. Give it a 25 yard distance, and say that it can destroy lower grade metals that are 2 or lower on the ahrdness scale

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Tsukai
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Tue Nov 13, 2012 5:04 pm

Fire style: fire ball is completed. Next up...
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Bryn T. Stormblood
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Wed Nov 14, 2012 12:26 pm

Quote :
The force is strong enough that if the opponent’s knees are bent, they can become dislocated.

Change that to if the knees aren't bent. If they are bent, the opponent would be able to distribute the force from the rising earth beneath them, and in a push they would be able to just simply jump up to avoid any damage. But if the knees were locked, the force would have nowhere to go but into the knees, and it would make them snap.

Quote :
can block most low rank projectile techniques.

Make that being able to block all weapons made of steel or less, and any D-rank jutsu that isn't lightning.

Quote :
Any taijutsu technique can be used to break the wall

Any Taijutsu technique of C-rank and up.



Other than all that, make the cooldown 3 posts and you're good to go.

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Tsukai
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Wed Nov 14, 2012 2:26 pm

Bump. All finished with rising earth wall.
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Yonoowari Dovahkiin
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Sun Nov 18, 2012 4:09 am

Quote:

Quote :
used for short range attacks

In the distance, you mentioned 15 yards, even though it is described as short-ranged. Either change the distance, or change the description portion to a more "medium-range" level ability.

Quote:

Quote :
These attacks are made up of throws and spins with the user using acrobatic movements

Throws and spins as in, allowing the circling of the orbs around you? Or actually attacking? An ability like this can't be passive to begin with, so throw that out and throw in some handseals and charge times. Describe specifically what the "acrobatic movements" do with relation to the orbs. Also, how fast do the orbs move?

Quote:

Quote :
Fire and earth based attacks are useless but water and lightning are useful

As this is only C-rank, state that C-rank fire and earth based jutsu are nullified, and C-rank and up water and lightning jutsu can stop the jutsu.

And melting steel is gonna have to go. Too extreme for C-rank.

Also, change the damage on the burns. 3rd degree is too much for a C-rank jutsu.

Make it look pretty and bump it up.
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Tsukai
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Mon Nov 19, 2012 4:33 pm

Bump. Look any better?
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Yonoowari Dovahkiin
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Mon Nov 19, 2012 6:17 pm

In the same jutsu, change the "charging is required" to require a one-post charge and this one is good to go! Bump when done.

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Tsukai
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Tue Nov 20, 2012 11:08 am

Bump.
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Yonoowari Dovahkiin
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Tue Nov 20, 2012 2:01 pm

Corrosion Style: Lava Needle Barrage

As this is a C Rank jutsu, the needles can only pierce specific parts of the body, so elaborate on that.

Next, piercing through steel is a bit much for a C Rank, so bump it down one.

Bump and we'll go from there.

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Shitai
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Tue Nov 20, 2012 2:32 pm

Note: C rank advanced element (specifically lava) melting through steel is actually perfect, especially when concentrated into such a small area. Carry on

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Tsukai
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Tue Nov 20, 2012 4:34 pm

Bump, and I kept it to steel after what Shitai said...if thats ok with you Yonoowari.
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Yonoowari Dovahkiin
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Tue Nov 20, 2012 5:07 pm

Pushing of Thought - Jutsu

As this is a B Rank, you need to raise the cooldown. I'd say maybe four instead of three.

Also, reword the description. It goes too close to godmodding, which is an ultra no-no.

Bump when done.

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Bryn T. Stormblood
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Tue Nov 20, 2012 5:12 pm

Actually, I'll take that genjutsu since Yonoowari's new and doesn't really know what we expect from them.

There are a multitude of problems. Firstly, it needs a duration. How long does the genjutsu last? And the cooldown (That starts AFTER the genjutsu ends) needs to be 5 posts.

What is the damage done to the target? Are they paralyzed with fear? Are they slowed down because they don't know where they are? Is their reaction time dulled? If so, for how many posts? And it should vary among which rank you hit with this. An S rank probably cannot get paralyzed with fear by a B rank genjutsu. Keep that in mind.

Also, it is NOT godmodding how you worded that, so don't worry. If you lock someone in a genjutsu, you indeed have complete control of their mind (as long as you stick to the script of the genjutsu, you can't just through random shit in), but the way you worded it so far is fine.

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Yonoowari Dovahkiin
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Tue Nov 20, 2012 5:16 pm

Ah, okay. Not used to modding genjutsu. I'll keep these things in mind for future reference.

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Tsukai
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Wed Nov 21, 2012 5:11 pm

Bump.
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Yonoowari Dovahkiin
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Wed Nov 21, 2012 11:54 pm

Jutsu: Corrosion X Blade

Quote:

Quote :
Each lava cleave is 10 feet high and only a fourth of an inch

Add a word or phrase to the end like "wide" or "in width." Sounds incomplete.

Quote:

Quote :
A charge is required and a 4 post cool down is to be followed.

As this is an A rank jutsu, it needs at least a 5-post cooldown. Also, add in "one-post" in between 'A' and 'charge.'

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Tsukai
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Tue Nov 27, 2012 2:11 pm

Bump
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Yonoowari Dovahkiin
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Tue Nov 27, 2012 3:44 pm

Lava Release: Scorching Stream Rock Technique

Quote :
the user launches multiple large masses of lava which part of it solidifies to form molten rock

What are the exact dimensions of the rocks? Exactly how much of the lava solidifies into the molten rock?

Also, add in the beginning of the description, "Amount of rocks formed depends on user's rank."

Quote :
Each rock is the size of a basketball and all have trails of magma attached to each rock, with heat so strong to melt titanium.

Take out "each rock is the size of a basketball" because the dimensions will have been already explained in the very beginning sentences.

Also, reword "with heat so strong to melt titanium." Change it to "the trailing magma able to melt through titanium."

Quote :
If the opponent is to suffer a direct hit, surely many bones are bound to be broken.

Change "surely many bones are bound to be broken" to "bones will be broken on impact."

Quote :
S-rank lighting based attacks can be used to nullify the jutsu and S-rank water based attacks can be used to put out the magma trails.

This is fine, but it needs to be reworded. The first section: "S-rank lightning-based attacks can nullify the jutsu completely" and the second part: "S-rank water-based attacks can nullify the magma that trails behind the molten rock."

Quote :
Requires a charge and a 6 post cool down is to be followed.

As this is an S-rank ability, unless it's taijutsu, it requires an extensive charge time, so I'd say a well-detailed two-post charge.

And, also take out the six-post cooldown. All S-ranks, depending on the extremity of the jutsu, have a one-day to five-day cooldown. I'd say this S-rank requires a 5-day cooldown.

Fix it up and bump it up.

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Tsukai
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Tue Nov 27, 2012 4:58 pm

Bump. Bryn and Shizen helped me out with this jutsu too so there may be some things that are different from what you wanted changed.
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Yonoowari Dovahkiin
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Tue Nov 27, 2012 9:06 pm

Alright then. Looks good to go. I'll send a PM to Bryn to go over your jutsu again to catch anything I might've missed.

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Haru
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PostSubject: Re: Tsukai Jutsu Registration (FINISHED)   Tue Nov 27, 2012 9:15 pm

If I may throw my two cents in here, Yonoo, not all S Ranks require that long of a cool down. As Tsukai's charge as alright as well. Charge equal to handseals is the basic phrase used.

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